20 June, 2025
“I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.”
“I’m falling behind.”
“Everyone else seems to have it figured out.”
If these thoughts sound familiar, you’re not alone.
The early 20s are often painted as a time of possibility and self-discovery—and while that’s true, it’s equally a time of confusion, self-doubt, and existential discomfort. Whether you’re navigating university deadlines, job applications, or an unfamiliar city, many young adults report feeling disoriented. What they rarely realise is: this feeling isn’t a sign of failure—it’s a feature of growth.
From a psychological lens, this is a natural part of the identity formation stage, when you’re no longer who you were as a teenager, but not quite sure who you’re becoming. And this gap between “used to be” and “want to be” can feel profoundly uncomfortable.
Let’s break it down—and explore how to stay grounded in the messiness of this moment.
At this stage, many young adults experience what psychologists call developmental uncertainty. You’re making decisions that feel consequential—career paths, relationships, financial independence—but often without clarity, experience, or a roadmap. This can result in:
This uncertainty can be deeply destabilizing—but it’s also the birthplace of self-awareness.
Rather than trying to eliminate the feeling of being stuck, psychological resilience comes from learning to work with it.
We often place pressure on ourselves to define a clear, linear path—“What’s your plan after graduation?” “Where do you see yourself in five years?” But most careers and identities don’t unfold that way.
Try this:
Write a timeline of your last 3 years. Mark down things you tried, choices you made, unexpected turns, even “failures.” You’ll likely notice that what felt confusing at the time led to some kind of insight or pivot. Let this remind you that progress often only makes sense in hindsight.
Being lost is only negative when we assume there’s a right direction and we’ve missed it. But psychologically, these “lost” phases often give us the emotional space to question inherited beliefs, try new things, and evolve our value systems.
Try this:
Make a list of things you’re curious about—not committed to, just curious. Give yourself permission to explore one of them—take an online course, attend a talk, shadow someone at work. Curiosity often paves the way for clarity.
When everything feels unclear, it’s easy to spiral. A powerful antidote is shifting focus to what’s within your control.
Try this:
Set weekly micro-goals—not about the big picture but about creating structure and momentum. For example:
These small commitments anchor you in movement—even when the direction feels uncertain.
Much of our discomfort in uncertainty comes from the silent stories we tell ourselves—“I should be ahead by now,” “I’m wasting time,” “I’m not as capable as others.”
Try this:
Identify the unhelpful narrative and ask: Who gave me this story? Is it still true for me? Then, re-author it. Instead of: “I don’t know what I’m doing,” try:
“I’m learning to live in the questions before I rush to answers.”
This reframing is not about toxic positivity—it’s about truthfully updating your self-talk to reflect where you are, not just where you wish to be.
The next time you feel stuck, pause and breathe. You’re not falling behind. You’re in the middle of your becoming. This isn’t a detour or a delay—it’s a deeply human part of the process.
Give yourself permission to not have all the answers. You don’t need to be certain to move forward. You just need to be present, curious, and kind—to yourself.
Recommended Reading:
– by SBS Counselling Team.